This week, slippers, I am in a bit of a Pollyanna mood. Do not dismay, it probably won't last. But for now, I am disgustingly, stomach-churningly optimistic.
So, things that are awesome.
1) Getting an A+ on a test you thought you failed.
2) Fresh cups of coffee
3) Pay cheques
4) Really good shows/ movies
5) Falling asleep talking to your best friend
6) Getting complimented/ constructively criticized about your writing.
7) Realizing you've essentially already written the paper your professor has just assigned in another class
8) Really weird dreams that make you giggle when you see that person the next day
9) Waking up with good hair
10) Bad puns
11) Frozen lemonade
12) Funny essays
13) Meaningful touch/ eye contact.
14) The phrase "underwear anachronism"
15) Something dawning on you
16) This fecking weather.
:-)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Arts Night List
Who Should Submit to Arts Night?
1) You
2) All your friends
3) ANYONE WITH A MINUTE AMOUNT OF TALENT IN ANY OF THE ARTS.
Okay, thanks, love Lisa
1) You
2) All your friends
3) ANYONE WITH A MINUTE AMOUNT OF TALENT IN ANY OF THE ARTS.
Okay, thanks, love Lisa
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Answers to Awkward Questions
It is St. Patrick's day.
Yes, yes it is.
It is St. Patrick's day, and apparently I am the only Irish person anyone at Queens College knows and can identify.
These are answers to questions I have received thus far today.
1) Are you Irish?
(No, I'm American)
2) Can you do a jig?
(Yes, I know how to. Will I? Absolutely not.)
3) Can you speak Gaelic?
(No. Can you?)
4) Does anyone in your family have red hair?
(Yes)
5) Does your mom make good corned beef?
(No, we have spinach pizza on St. Patrick's day.)
6) Have you been to Ireland?
(No.)
7) Do you have any family in Ireland?
(Probably, all we seem to be good at is breeding)
8) How many times have you seen Riverdance?
(Once, I liked Feet of Flames better)
9) About that jig....
(Feck off)
10) Do you speak with an accent?
(Only when I'm nervous)
11) What does that ring thingy mean?
(The claddagh? It means I'm not getting laid at the moment)
12) Why didn't you wear green?
(Because I don't want to encourage jackasses like you to ask me questions.)
Yes, yes it is.
It is St. Patrick's day, and apparently I am the only Irish person anyone at Queens College knows and can identify.
These are answers to questions I have received thus far today.
1) Are you Irish?
(No, I'm American)
2) Can you do a jig?
(Yes, I know how to. Will I? Absolutely not.)
3) Can you speak Gaelic?
(No. Can you?)
4) Does anyone in your family have red hair?
(Yes)
5) Does your mom make good corned beef?
(No, we have spinach pizza on St. Patrick's day.)
6) Have you been to Ireland?
(No.)
7) Do you have any family in Ireland?
(Probably, all we seem to be good at is breeding)
8) How many times have you seen Riverdance?
(Once, I liked Feet of Flames better)
9) About that jig....
(Feck off)
10) Do you speak with an accent?
(Only when I'm nervous)
11) What does that ring thingy mean?
(The claddagh? It means I'm not getting laid at the moment)
12) Why didn't you wear green?
(Because I don't want to encourage jackasses like you to ask me questions.)
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Awful Porn Sites Based off of My Midterm Review for British Literature
*Women and Anglo-Saxons"
"Lanval and the Disappearing Foxxy Lady"
"Grendel and HIS MOM"
"The Big, Muscular, Strapping Green Knight"
"Gawain's Discount House of Green Belts"
"The Wife's Lament" (obviously S & M)
"The Skwanderer"
"The Rimming of the Ancient Mariner"
"The Taint"
"Unferth's Broad Sword"
"The Wife in Bath's Tail"
"Lanval and the Disappearing Foxxy Lady"
"Grendel and HIS MOM"
"The Big, Muscular, Strapping Green Knight"
"Gawain's Discount House of Green Belts"
"The Wife's Lament" (obviously S & M)
"The Skwanderer"
"The Rimming of the Ancient Mariner"
"The Taint"
"Unferth's Broad Sword"
"The Wife in Bath's Tail"
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Why the Academic Blog Kills Me
The lovely, wonderful English department here in scenic Flushing has something of a hard on for academic blogs, the idea of community forum and subsequently open (virtual) conversation. Unfortunately, this means classmates are expected to respond to each other's ideas. While I hide it very well in person to person interaction, I'm more than a little bit of a bitch and a literary snob. As such, these are comments which I (almost) posted in response to ideas about our class readings.
1) That's a great reading! It's also a horribly wrong reading that you can't possibly support, but great all the same!
2) While I'm really impressed that you know of the word "juxtaposition", it has no context here. Please stop trying to impress the professor
3) I only have one suggestion: next time, you should probably try reading BEFORE you post.
4) I once held a similar opinion regarding poetry. Did you know the tooth fairy is also not real?
5) What the fuck are you smoking?
6) Regarding comment 5: Can I have some? Please?
7) You are the sole reason for American illiteracy.
8) I'd like you to dig deeper into that trite symbolic reading while I slit my wrist. Kay?
1) That's a great reading! It's also a horribly wrong reading that you can't possibly support, but great all the same!
2) While I'm really impressed that you know of the word "juxtaposition", it has no context here. Please stop trying to impress the professor
3) I only have one suggestion: next time, you should probably try reading BEFORE you post.
4) I once held a similar opinion regarding poetry. Did you know the tooth fairy is also not real?
5) What the fuck are you smoking?
6) Regarding comment 5: Can I have some? Please?
7) You are the sole reason for American illiteracy.
8) I'd like you to dig deeper into that trite symbolic reading while I slit my wrist. Kay?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Things that I say I'll do on the Snow Day, but won't
1. Homework
2. Go to the Gym
3. Read
4. Finally watch an episode of the Jersey Shore
5. Clean
6. Write
7. Really, anything productive.
Things I didn't intend to do, but did this Snow Day
1. Threw up
2. Watched "Up"
2. Go to the Gym
3. Read
4. Finally watch an episode of the Jersey Shore
5. Clean
6. Write
7. Really, anything productive.
Things I didn't intend to do, but did this Snow Day
1. Threw up
2. Watched "Up"
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Ground Breaking Story
The following is an example of what happens when a bunch of smart people (and Lisa) are put in a room without any challenges.
Once upon a time, an octopus laughed at the Little Mermaid. But she died. While a certain nemesis of the little maid planned evilly in their layer, the little mermaid was made into sushi and vowed to poison every single crytozoologist. A little girl ate the sushi and got salmonella. Suddenly a boy named Harry Gipotter came along and blew up the world as though he were superman, but then he got depowered and had to rely on shivs to get by, because he was fighting muggers in the Hudson River who started to get technologically advanced and used shakers for hunting narwhals. Along came a passive aggressive transvestite who wanted to change the South Bronx by taking his magical toilet hat into the heart of the rainbow for Captain Planet to make skittles that will cure the victims of the poison sushi. However, the victims of the poison sushi were not poisoned. It was later realized the poison sushi was a cure for cancer. In the meantime, a fat cow wearing a fedora began to go jogging and noticed his feet had stopped touching the ground! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he was another victim of surprise hovercrafting. However, hovercrafting turned out to be a temporary phenomenon, and afflicted cows soon fell into conveniently placed cauldrons for consumption. Then the squirrels began to sing "the song that never ends". Only to have their singing cut off by more conveniently placed cauldrons. But, let's face it, squirrels ain't tasty. Unless you live in squirrel eater land, in which case, yummy yummy in my tummy. Yet, the squirrels soon became more intelligent and made war with the cows against the squirrel and cow eating humans. Soon the carnivorous cows lost the war, with land eating rodents, when the hybrid grass started chewing the cows. THE FUCK? Then Mama earth ate everything, ending the reign of hypochodria that had so blighted the good people of Djibouti. But then Mother Earth got bored and spat back the people and creatures she ate, who immediately set cauldrons in convenient places for squirrels and cows to jump back in. Suddenly a bunch of turtles came out of the water and all said "Amen". The turtles, after saying "Amen" went into the conveniently located cauldrons and died for consumption. "Rawr" yelled the contortionist. Just rawr! Stop invading my squirrel-cow stew!
Once upon a time, an octopus laughed at the Little Mermaid. But she died. While a certain nemesis of the little maid planned evilly in their layer, the little mermaid was made into sushi and vowed to poison every single crytozoologist. A little girl ate the sushi and got salmonella. Suddenly a boy named Harry Gipotter came along and blew up the world as though he were superman, but then he got depowered and had to rely on shivs to get by, because he was fighting muggers in the Hudson River who started to get technologically advanced and used shakers for hunting narwhals. Along came a passive aggressive transvestite who wanted to change the South Bronx by taking his magical toilet hat into the heart of the rainbow for Captain Planet to make skittles that will cure the victims of the poison sushi. However, the victims of the poison sushi were not poisoned. It was later realized the poison sushi was a cure for cancer. In the meantime, a fat cow wearing a fedora began to go jogging and noticed his feet had stopped touching the ground! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he was another victim of surprise hovercrafting. However, hovercrafting turned out to be a temporary phenomenon, and afflicted cows soon fell into conveniently placed cauldrons for consumption. Then the squirrels began to sing "the song that never ends". Only to have their singing cut off by more conveniently placed cauldrons. But, let's face it, squirrels ain't tasty. Unless you live in squirrel eater land, in which case, yummy yummy in my tummy. Yet, the squirrels soon became more intelligent and made war with the cows against the squirrel and cow eating humans. Soon the carnivorous cows lost the war, with land eating rodents, when the hybrid grass started chewing the cows. THE FUCK? Then Mama earth ate everything, ending the reign of hypochodria that had so blighted the good people of Djibouti. But then Mother Earth got bored and spat back the people and creatures she ate, who immediately set cauldrons in convenient places for squirrels and cows to jump back in. Suddenly a bunch of turtles came out of the water and all said "Amen". The turtles, after saying "Amen" went into the conveniently located cauldrons and died for consumption. "Rawr" yelled the contortionist. Just rawr! Stop invading my squirrel-cow stew!
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