Fin for the Decade.

Very
Very
Simple
List
Today

VIDEOS THAT I HAVE UNNECESSARILY OVER-SENT 2009 in NO PARTICULAR ORDER

1) Guttersnipe from "Taboo"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FgT_4LBzIo&NR=1
2) Christian Side Hug
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Oj0-splZw&feature=related
3) Muppets "Danny Boy"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCbuRA_D3KU
4) "You are being Shagged by a Rare Parrot"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T1vfsHYiKY
5) Rugby Hula
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cle20lQg0Qs&feature=related
6) PicnicFace- Liberty 45
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdbZOD_KTJE
7) Robogeisha Trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo-gGes6qig
8) Random Mitch Hedburg Sketch from the 90s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HC5fYlFpxmo&feature=related
9) The Monty Python Sheep Sketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vkw2DdoskPY
And of course
10) Sames and Opposites by Demetri Martin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKLSgBSWwxQ





Why?
I don't know.
Happy New Year, may it be a damn sight better than the last.

For Real, I am getting darned tired of these sporadic posts

Apologies, one and all, for Wednesday being delayed to Friday. I blame the holiday season.


This week's list is a set of my New Year's Resolutions, put into standard military coding to make them seem less pathetic. Brownie points to anyone who can guess what the originals are.
Double brownie points to anyone who posts their own


1’) Operation: Abort Food Baby.
2’) Operation: YELL
3’) Operation: Party it up in this bitch.
4’) Operation: Potty Mouth
5’) Operation: tick tick BOOM
6’) Operation: Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat
7’) Operation: Group Hug
8’) Operation: Drop Everything and Read
9’) Operation: Grocery Money
10’) Operation: OMG
11’) Operation: It’s Okay, Pluto, I’m Not a Planet Either.

Due to the Snow Day, Wednesday was postponed until Monday

As the semester and 2009 draw to a close, we'd like to take a more childish spin on the list.


Things to do on a snowy day, provided you don't have a metaphysics final or a job with the town of Hempstead

*Obnoxious snowball fight
*Ice skating
* Fall to the ground dramatically, pretending to have a heart attack and then making a snow angel
* Bake
* Cook
* Drink
* Curl up on the couch with a good book
* Curl up on the couch with a good bookie?
* Uno
*Cocoa
* Catch up on a favorite TV program
* Catch up on CSPAN
* Order free samples of Vagisil addressed to all your male friends' mailboxes
* Condom balloon animals
*Shadow puppets
* Paper snowflakes



Please feel free to add :-)

LAST WEDNESDAY (for the semester... technically)

Hey kids

In honor of the last week of classes, this week's list is something everyone loves-- Shakespearean dirty jokes and insults!

(If you don't get why these are funny, let me know, I'll explain with gusto :-P )

By my life, this is my lady’s hand these be her very C’s, her U’s and her T’s and thus makes she her great P’s. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.- 12th Night II, ix

Well said: that was laid on with a trowel.- As You Like It I,ii
I do desire we may be better strangers.- As You Like It III, ii
The horn, the horn, the lusty horn,
Is not a thing to laugh to scorn.- As you like It IV, ii

How bravely thou becom'st thy bed, fresh lily.- Cymbeline II, ii

I know a trick worth two of that.- Henry IV- 1, II, i
I’ll tickle your catastrophe.- Henry IV-2, II,i

Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.- Henry V, II, iv
And sheath'd their swords for lack of argument.- Henry V, III,i

The smallest worm will turn, being trodden on.- Henry VI, II,ii

So may he rest; his faults lie gently on him!- Henry VIII, IV,ii

Nothing will come of nothing: speak again.- King Lear I,i

Infirm of purpose!
Give me the daggers. The sleeping and the dead
Are but as pictures. 'Tis the eye of childhood
That fears a painted devil. - Macbeth II,i

Masters, spread yourselves.- Midsummer Night's Dream I,ii
Nay, faith, let me not play a woman; I have a beard coming- Midsummer Night's Dream I,ii
A lion among ladies, is a most dreadful thing.- Midsummer Night's Dream III,i

He is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a thousand pound ere he be cured.- Much Ado About Nothing I,i

I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer.- Much Ado About Nothing I,i
I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?- Much Ado About Nothing IV,i

Your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.- Othello I,i
Villain, be sure thou prove my love a whore,- Othello III,iii

Was ever woman in this humour woo'd?
Was ever woman in this humour won?
I'll have her; — but I will not keep her long.- Richard III, I,ii

I do bite my thumb, sir- Romeo & Juliet I,i

If love be rough with you, be rough with love;
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down- Romeo & Juliet I, iv

THE ENTIRETY OF THE TAMING OF THE SHREW, ACT II

Villian, I have done thy mother- Titus Andronicus IV,ii



AND OF COURSE

HAMLET
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?
OPHELIA
No, my lord.
HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap?
OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.
HAMLET
Do you think I meant country matters?
OPHELIA
I think nothing, my lord.
HAMLET
That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.
OPHELIA
What is, my lord?
HAMLET
Nothing.

Damn Jelly Beans....

That had nothing to do with this week's list.

Recently, one of our agents had a life-changing experience involving everyone's favorite part of speech, gerunds.

So, here are our top ten favorite gerunds, in no particular order.

1) Sexing
2) Eating
3) Laughing
4) Sneezing
5) Spelunking
6) Exacerbating
7) Joking
8) Watching/ Viewing
9) Observing
10) Canada Attacking

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Here is what those of us here at Freudian Slip Films are thankful for (In no particular order):

1. love
2. google, gmail, blogger, facebook, free google websites
3. cozy pair of socks
4. laughter
5. comedy
6. happiness/joy
7. family
8. friends
9. days off from school.
10. Williams Shakespeare
11. good music
12. art
13. detective muffins.
14. memories
15. hopes
16. hot cup of tea
17. cool side of the pillow
18. the G train (It could be worse, you know)
19. good books
20. the smell of fresh baked goods
21. holidays
22. Sigmund Freud ;)
23. British Comedy
24. Majesty Snowbird and the likes
25. A hug
26. the fact that we are lucky enough to not go hungry
27. the fact that we are lucky enough to have a place to live
28. the fact that we have clothes to wear
29. our health
30. those little moments that make life excellent
31. Jane Austen
32. MLIA
33. free education :D
34. Bob Fosse
35. Ambulances
36. our pets
37. toothpaste
38. our flip video cameras
39. our laptops
40. (This was put last for effect) The people out there who agreed to fan out page...we love you and appreciate your support. With everything we do through Freudian Slip Films, we hope to bring at least a smile to your face (hopefully a chuckle, a giggle, a laugh etc.) Have a most excellent holiday everyone!

It's Wednesday

Hey everyone!

Our usual "It's Wednesday" list writer has been (forcefully) given a well-deserved day off.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and we will be adding a special Thanksgiving post. In the meantime, as it is Wednesday, I'd like to present the following three lists...The first is entitled "The Opposite of the 'I'm Thankful for...' List", the second "How to Kill a Relationship", the third "Things to Make You Laugh and Survive the Holidays."

(PS feel free to add anything in the comments on this post, and it will be edited in before next week).


The opposite of the "I'm Thankful for..." list
-The G Train
-When you sneeze inwardly
-When your seat on the subway is warm
-When your pillow is too warm, but you are too tired to flip it to the other side.
-When your arms get caught as you are trying to take off your jacket
-When it decides to rain every time you wear a new/nice pair of shoes.
-When the best laid plans run awry.
-When some food produce expires that you were planning to eat that day for lunch.
-When you just miss the bus, and it pulls away slowly, mocking you.
-When a seat opens on the train, just as you reach your stop.
-When your battery dies half-way through a boring class.
-When Rachelle tickles you, and Natalia talks about pajamas in the middle of class.
-People who double-dip.
-The smell of burnt crayons follows you near the lounge.
-Global warming.
-When people are insensitive.
-War.
-Hunger.
-Cheese in a can.
-Mushrooms
-When your socks have a hole at the toe
-When your socks have a hole at the heel
-When your shoes get wet and start to smell
-When you think there is an extra/less step in the staircase.
-When you trip on uneven sidewalk and people see you stumble.
-Seafood.
-Anger
-Hatred
-Violence
-Paper cuts


How to kill a relationship:

1. Write poetry
In the words of Elizabeth Bennet:
“And that put paid to it. I wonder who first discovered the power of poetry in driving away love? …Of a fine stout love, it may [be the food of love]. But if it is only a vague inclination I'm convinced one poor sonnet will kill it stone dead.”

2. Act like Edward Cullen (and if this doesn't end the relationship, it wasn't one worth being in)

3. Wear a snuggie in public•

4. Not bathing/bad hygiene (We all love hippies, but come on, man, it's 2009!)

5. Poison/hurt pet/plant of significant other

6. Ridicule person's identity of self*

7. Physical violence*

8. Threatening significant other (for example, google Maffia and maffia related behavior)*

9. Poisoning significant other*

10. (see "Opposite of 'I am thankful for...'" list)

11. Leave girlfriend for pregnant ex-girlfriend/Get pregnant by ex-boyfriend and leave current boyfriend.

12. Twilight• (see no. 2.)

13. Be into obnoxious music

14. Act like Bella from Twilight (although I hate adding Twilight to a list more than once, I think this applies) (see no. 2, 12)

15A. Propose marriage too soon....or in a terrible way

15B. Act like Mr. Collins (from Pride and Prejudice)•.

16. Tell significant other you are actually into the other sex (ie...in a heterosexual relationship, pretend to/actually be homosexual, and in a homosexual relationship, pretend to/actually be heterosexual).

17. Tell significant other you are actually an alien•

18. Admit to being a Scientologist (only works if you and your significant others are not Scientologists).

19. Tell significant other he/she reminds you of your mother (in a Freudian kind of way)•

20. Tell significant other you are interested in his/her mother/father (in a non-platonic way)•


--------
* Note, will not work if person is masochistic
• May not work with everyone, some people are actually into these things...consider this carefully before taking this action...



---------------


Things to make you laugh and survive the holidays (or any other time you need a laugh)

Brian Regan:
I can't remember names... And I always try to do the nickname thing, to get out of it. Everybody knows what you're trying to pull, you know?
"Heeeeey... buckaroo."
"My name's not buckaroo."
"Sure, sure it is... partner"
Some people get really upset if you say their name wrong, especially if they have a name that's similar to another name. Carolyn and Caroline. They got a thing about that, man. Don't get that wrong, 'cause they're gonna drill you. "Hi, Caro... lyn."
"It's Caroline. It's Caroline, Brian..."
"It's BRIOOOOHHHN. Yes, my name is BRIOOOOOOGGHHN!!! It's very hard to say my name correctly, 'cuz my name is BRANNAAGHAMMANGAAH!!! Can you say that? Very few can. Correctly."
quotes: http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/98398.Brian_Regan


Demetri Martin:
“I like parties, but I don’t like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there’s a donkey with some pizzazz. Let’s kick its ass. What I’m trying to say is, don’t make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did.”
quotes: http://captainpinhead.wordpress.com/2006/10/01/demetri-martin-quotes/

Monty Python:“Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark”
quotes: http://thinkexist.com/quotes/monty_python/

Dylan Moran: I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.
quotes: http://www.icelebz.com/quotes/dylan_moran/

also check out: Animaniacs

Thanksgiving Week

Sometimes, Thanksgiving corn is really only Thanksgiving corn...
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In the spirit of Thanksgiving, we invite all our friends to share with us their favorite Thanksgiving memories, or something they are thankful for...

We would greatly appreciate it if you would let us know, either by email at FreudianSlipFilms@gmail.com, commenting on facebook, replying by twitter, or in a comment to this post. We hope to have a collection posted on Thanksgiving so we could celebrate our first Thanksgiving together.

We are truly thankful for all your support and creativity, and you love of comedy.

Have an excellent 2-day week, and a wonderful holiday.

We hope to hear from you all soon,

Lots of love,

Freudian Slip FIlms

On November 13,

Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence; that request came from his wife. Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that some day he would return to her. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. Several years earlier, Madison's wife had thrown HIM out, requesting that HE never return. Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065329/quotes

It's lonely having a high IQ
Never overstay your welcome or you will never be welcomed to stay over.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HGyUhRGeuM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRGk6ALao7w (Dead Pet Part 1)

The Gauntlet is Thrown

Hey Kids!


For those of you who were wondering what happened to last week's post, it was up, but then the Yankees stole it. (Okay, there's my jaded jab of the week)


NOW, this week is 2 lists. WHY??? Because the Freudian Slip Films is offering it's first OFFICIAL CONTEST, complete with A PRIZE!!!!!

The contest is essentially as follows.
A few weeks ago, 2 agents of FSF went to have lunch at the TOZT cafe on Kissena Boulevard
While enjoying their cream of spinach soup, a man walked into the cafe...apparently straight out of Pride and Prejudice.
This was no ordinary man, but a BROODING VICTORIAN MAN. (Herein referred to as BVM)

He is tall, with very pale skin and dark hair and a black waist coat. We suspect he speaks with a British accent, but are not entirely sure.

We are fascinated by this man. Those of you who know Queens College intimately know that, by and large, if it's not gay, its shomer here (FSF-ers excluded) (unless you are one of those two things, because there's nothing wrong with that) (moving on)

If you find BVM anywhere, you will win the FSF prize and the glory of being everyone's hero for ever and always.

So, FIRST LIST= WHERE MIGHT I LOOK FOR BVM????
*TOZT
* G-Building
*Flushing Main Street Library
*Quickly's
*In a Jane Austen novel
*ANYWHERE

There are no rules for this contest, other than find BVM and acquire a fact about him (i.e. name, student status...)

SECOND LIST= WHAT IS THIS PRIZE?????
We have a $25 budget for our first contest. The winner gets to pick whatever prize they like in that range. Some ideas
~Straight up, $25
~Lisa will bake you cookies/cake/flan/whatever you like
~The complete works of Shakespeare
~The complete works of Douglas Adams
~Monty Python's Flying Circus, Season 3 on DVD
~Dinner date
~Movie voucher
~Sky Dancers
~Tickle-Me Elmo
~Foot Undies.


So... GET OUT THERE AND FIND MR DARCY.

That is all

P.S. Welcome to our new minimalist layout, inspired by the colors of the paintings of Piet Mondrian.

Social Experiment fail, part un and deux

Last week, we asked our slippers to state, for the record, what their fears were. Natalia and Dan Feldman replied, and for that we thank them. For the rest of you, shame shame shame. Dudes, really.....

So that was your weekly guilt trip, now for the list of the week.


Here at Queens College we have a system where, should you misplace your ID card, you must sign into the dorms stating the time, the date, your room number, and why you do not have your ID. Most person opt for the one-word answers either of "Lost" or "Room"

Here are the answers I opted to use thus far, and a few I'm considering for the next time I lose my ID


~"Sigmund Freud"
~"Ninjas"
~"Komodo Dragon"
~"Bolivia"

*Turkish Bath
*1776
*Pinky finger
* Maxwell Smart, Agent 86
* Communism
*42
* I am the Walrus
*Egg Salad
*Moritz Stieffel
*White River Rafting
*Picaresque
*Existentialism
*Fetus
*Ate it


Feel free, as always, to add on.

Decadent? Never.

First off, slippers, I'd like to apologize. As some of you may or may not have noticed, last week our list was a list of ninja profile pictures. As you may well imagine, that was not as successful a venture as we had hoped. We learned our lesson.

With All Hallow's Eve coming up, we'd like to give you a little taste of our 26 favorite phobias. At the bottom is also a little homework assignment/social experiment


Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Bromidrosiphobia - Fear of body smells.
Consecotaleophobia- Fear of chopsticks.
Doxophobia- Fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise.
Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Francophobia- Fear of France or French culture.
Genuphobia- Fear of knees.
Hedonophobia- Fear of feeling pleasure
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words
Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.

Koinoniphobia- Fear of rooms.
Lutraphobia- Fear of otters.
Metrophobia- Fear of poetry.
Novercaphobia- Fear of your mom
Omphalophobia- Fear of belly buttons.
Oneirogmophobia- Fear of wet dreams
Parthenophobia- Fear of virgins
Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers.

Ranidaphobia- Fear of frog
Symbolophobia- Fear of symbolism.
Trichophobia- Fear of hair.
Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating
Vestiphobia- Fear of clothing
Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons
Xanthophobia- Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow
And, of course…
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat

Now comes the challenge. We would like each of our members to post a fear of theirs, either anonymously through a note to either Lisa or Natalia, or on this blog. They will then be re-anonymized and will be posted as next week's Wednesday list.

If it makes everyone feel better, I will post several

Lisa Maher is at least slightly afraid of:

Losing her memory
Getting drunk beyond all recognition
Parasites
Dying alone.
Macbeth.

Your turn....

Nose-day

Things that have passed out of Lisa’s nose
• Soda
• Tea (hot)
• Tea (cold)
• Tea (tempid)
• Lemonade
• Water (chlorinated)
• Orange juice
• Ice
• Coffee (French Vanilla)
• Coffee(Decaf)
• Coffee( Hazelnut)
• Coffee (not sure what the flavor was supposed to be, tasted like snot)
• Pomegranate juice
• Pomegranate
• Apple (sliced)
• Blackberry
• Cherry (marachino)
• Cherry (black)
• Chickpea
• Humus
• Cheese-it
• Saltine
• Special K
• Lettuce (romaine)
• Lettuce (iceberg)
• Spinach
• Tofu
• Teeth Whitening
• Spaghetti
• Jalapeño
• Tortilla shell *blocked windpassage for several minutes)
• Vegetable chip
• French fry
• Fruit snack
• Granola bar


*Many, many other substances. These are just the ones we could remember off the top of our heads. Please post additional foodstuffs you have gotten me to pass through my nose.

Game Time-Rules and Scoring procedures.

Dear Slippers,


It has come to Natalia and Lisa's attention that only a small grouping of the members of our fair group know about the "Nose Game", as it has so lovingly been referred to.

Brief History-In 7th grade, a young man discovered he could make Lisa laugh hard enough to pass soda through her nose. He then tried to do the same with other edibles with similar success. Word spread. From then on, there developed an unofficiated point system of what goes through Lisa Maher's nasal passage.

The Game- Quintessentially, get a friend who is also a member of the game to pass something other than normal bodily contents through their nose. There are a few basic rules.

1. if the person who expels something from his/her nose dies, no point will be awarded.

2. if a person says/thinks something that as a result causes him/her to spew something out of his/her own nose, this shall be considered an autopoint. By default, everyone shall be awarded a point.

3. if, in the rare case that someone causes multiple persons to pass something through their respective noses simultaneously, this shall be considered an überpoint. he or she shall be rewarded 1x the number of people involved in the synchronized nasal spewing.

4.no points shall be allotted to anyone being a jerk if the nasal expulsion occurs when the jerk is being a jerk.

Additional points may be allotted from originality of substance or timing (i.e. during a funeral, a mass, birth, etc.)

Scoreboards-
As of October 5th, an official scoreboard will be created. If you believe you've gained a point, contact an officer of FSP with your name, the victim's name, the substance, and any additional information.

Scores will be posted the last Guido day of every month.

We will post a list of previously passed substances for this Wednesday's list.

Be well,
Freudian Slip Film Productions

Inappropriate Things to be de-contextualized in Huenerfauth’s class.
• That sounds like what my mom just said
• They’re like little scientists
• Oralist v Manual approach
• It’s easy to do it without asking for something….
• If a piece of anatomy is not functioning as it should….
• Oh God, we’re out to get those deaf people.
• I’m just afraid that they’re gonna make my kids deaf
• If you have a parent who speaks Chinese and a parent who speaks Spanish…….
• Deaf people hate your mom.
• Hearing the world through a garbage disposal
• Only Julie hated squash.
• The dog growled at the door.
• On the day Armando went to the police station to ask for permission to leave Cuba, he wore the gayest outfit he could find.
• Sign language babbling sounds like the cutest thing in the world
• Manhattan goes here….or I could put it here.
• Space is trippy
• If it’s a larger, bulky thing that never moves, it looks like this…
• Is this the stupid, time-wasting, keep-the-gay-man-from-signing convention?
• Whatever happens in Finland…..
• We need spaceships to take people to these two Finlands
• Gather the deaf, bring out your deaf
• Do you slur your hands if you’re drunk???
• He hosted a deaf talk show in the 80s.
• Deaf people stabbed Alexander Graham Bell.
• You look like death on 2 legs” is something polite to say
• Deaf people are such gossips


We're bad people. It's okay.

PARADOX MONDAY PART I

Hey everyone!

It's a paradox Mondayish

Join in the celebration by submitting your paradoxes.

We will post your paradoxes tomorrow, on Paradox Monday (deuxième partie)


As you may have recalled from our last Monday's reminder:

Tomorrow, (Tuesday 9/29/09) is actually a Monday.

What a paradox!

Stay tuned for paradoxes to be posted over the course of today and tomorrow's today.

Lots of Love

-Freudian Slip Films

Hamlet Houseparty Wednesday Morning TURTLE

Last night, a few members of the slip saw a groundbreaking piece of performance art at an abandoned storefront in Brooklyn. We know you guys weren't there because the audience was pretty, umm, intimate in their seating situation. BUT, we also know you would've loved it had you been there, so, without further ado, here are some snippets from the masterful, powerful, individualist piece, "Hamlet House"

1) We're in Detroit with Hamlet's body.
2) Elvis is not Hamlet. Hamlet is not Elvis
3) WELCOME TO HAMLET HOUSE ( in 4 part dissonance)
4) Japanese Kamikazi Handstands
5) You You You
6)Hemmingway had bull's balls, Hamlet has bull's balls, Hamlet is Hemmingway
7) If you'd like to use the bathroom, wait for everyone to leave and shut both doors
8) Would you like a blue muffin?
9) Why did you have to go and die? We could've like hooked up and stuff
10) CALL ME MR. BABY BLUE
11) We could all drown if there was enough water
12) Ophelia is green now.
13) She likes pigs and I like her.
And Finaly.....
14) GUYS, things are getting royally F***ed up!

Hope you can catch it next time it comes around. You might wanna bring a fireproof jacket or something, just in case.

Non-paradox monday

This is just to inform you that today is not paradox Monday.

Next Monday, however, is paradox Monday, because

Tuesday is actually Monday, and Monday is Tuesday except for the fact that Tuesday isn't. Or at least that's what CUNY told us.

Also because it happens to be the last Monday of the month...

just so you know.

:)


"Now, I got a time machine at home... it only goes forward at regular speed... It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote 'Time Machine' in Sharpie."

Demetri Martin

And Wednesday and wednesday and wednesday...

Things That Should Not Be Brought Through Airport Security
1) Small Children in bags
2) Shirkas
3) Fireworks
4) Milk
5) Eggs
6) Jell-o
7) Body parts (dismembered or otherwise)
8) Scones
9) Bong in a Blintz
10) Gene Kelly
11) Walt Disney's Head
12) Your pet Shark
13) Little red sneakers
14) Anything even slightly phallic
15) Anything even slightly euonic
16)Beer

At the Common Event

The violin sat on an ottoman while she drank some whisky from a cornucopia [of love?]. Then she decided to roll around the quad in roller-skates, wearing a burgundy tu-tu. Paper airplanes oscillate violently, sinking down into the abyss where they keep my soul. Snowflakes penetrate clouds of boobs and ice cream, licking lollypops as serpents danced across the purple lit sky calling the demented monkeys that ate the genetically engineered bananas. Someone said "you are my cheeseburger" and everybody joined in and sand along, to the "Sound of Music." Bob and Scotty wanted to be-bop. Then they died, ünd found themselves in a sticky jar of amber, so off went Jacob, who came out of nowhere, wondering if he should sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" or play musical chairs, but he decided to hop on the bus and get bubble tea from Main Street. When all of a sudden, Ents and Entwives found each other! Elves' pelvis gyrated, while Paris Hilton decided to enroll in QC and get an actual education, but suddenly a man fell from the sky, wrapped in a rainbow, and she was so fascinated by all the different colors, she forgot what she was going to do. She asked "Is there a pot of gold at the end?" He just looked at her funny- "This bitch is crazy," he thought. All he wanted to do in that very moment was to get away from her, but her gold bikini shimmered and he found himself stuck in tar.

Tarred and feathered, he studied the Norwegians and walruses and moved to Iceland.

where's the cream filling?

I came across of list of old slogans. Here are some that I think are amazing, especially when taken out of context:

1. I'd walk a mile for a Camel.
2.We drink all we can. The rest we sell.
3. Put a tiger in your tank.
4. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
5. Melts in your mouth, not in your hands.
6. It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
7. It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken.
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1. Camel cigarettes (1921), reported in Henry Hobhouse, Seeds of Wealth: Five Plants That Made Men Rich‎ (2006), p. 226.
-I think this would make an amazing illustration/cartoon spoof!
2.Utica Club, 1965, Doyle Dane Bernbach; reported in Art Direction‎ (1967), p. 133.
-Great in AND out of context
3. Esso/Exxon, reported in Brian Ash, Tiger in Your Tank: The Anatomy of an Advertising Campaign (1969), p. 60.
-THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!
4. Peter Paul Almond Joy & Peter Paul Mounds, 1953, Dancer-Fitzgerald-Sample, reported in Linda K. Fuller, Frank Hoffmann, Beulah B Ramirez, Chocolate Fads, Folklore & Fantasies: 1,000+ Chunks of Chocolate Information (1994), p. 60.
-Too true, too true.
5. M&Ms (1954), reported in Joël Glenn Brenner, The Emperors of Chocolate: Inside the Secret World of Hershey and Mars, (1999), p. 172.
-She also may have said this.
6. Timex Corporation (1956), reported in William Harley Davidson, José R. De la Torre, Managing the Global Corporation: Case Studies in Strategy and Manage
-No comment
7. Perdue (1972), Scali, McCabe & Sloves; reported in Robert F. Hartley, Marketing Successes, Historical to Present Day: What We Can Learn (1985), p. 171.
-Laugh out loud

If you have any others, post them as comments and we'll lad them to the list!

Have a spectacular weekend.

I will post in a punctual manner, I will post in a punctual manner, I will post in a punctual manor

“Songs That I Do Not Remember Putting On My Itunes and Will Invariably Keep Skipping Over on Shuffle”

 

+The Worst Joke Ever-REM                                    

+Arrival of the Queen of Sheba-Handel

+Pachelbel’s Cannon                                                

+Black Tables- Other Lives

+Good Time Charlie-Kander & Ebb                        

+Montage-Satyajit Ray

+Nightgown of the Sullen Moon-TMBG            

+Belgium-Bowling for Soup

+Caring is Creepy-The Shins                        

+Hashish- Hair

+Big, Blonde and Beautiful-Hairspray            

+Elevator Music-Beck

+An Orgy of Critics- Say Anything                        

+Goodnight Goodnight- Maroon 5

+Ces-Soirees-La – Jersey Boys                        

+Fantine’s Death- Les Miserables

+Let Yourself Go-Kristen Chenoweth            

+Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)- Mika

 +Oscillate Wildly- The Smiths                        

+Back in the USSr- The Beatles

+Sway- Michael Buble (really, I don't remember putting any Michael Buble songs on)        +Goodnight Saigon- Billy Joel

+We Tell the Story-Once on This Island                                                

+Buzz Fledderjohn- Tom Waits

+Dinner is Served- POC Black Pearl                        

+La Vie Boheme B- Rent

+The Military- Seussical                                    

+Carte Blanche- Shock Treatment

+La Vida Loca- Antonio Banderas*                        

+Younger Than Springtime- South Pacific

+The Mirror-Blue Night-Spring Awakening

+ Slow Cheetah- Red Hot Chili Peppers

+Parlor Songs- Sweeney Todd                        

+Everything That I Am- Phil Collins

+Oxford Comma- Vampire Weekend            

*No, really, it was Antonio Banderas, it's from the Shrek 2 Soundtrack, apparently.

Once again, it is Wednesday. Put on your thinking chappeaus

Things I Want to Do Now That I Have Moved Out of My House and Justifications for Not Already Doing Them

 

1) Poker Night- Fear of any reference to Lady Gaga

2)Stockpile of Warheads (the candy) and Root Beer- Does not trust roommate all that much

3) Build a Snowfort- It’s September

4) Go to a taping of Daily Show- Daily Show on vacation

5) Own a pet platypus or narwhal- strict no pets rule in dorms

6) Rocky Horror Night- Corset at the Cleaners

7) Build a pillow fort- Only own one pillow

8) Reproduce my Broadway collage on all walls of my dorm- Economic downturn= no shows

9)Lose 20 lbs – Guido day at the QC gym

10)Focus more on my studies/ get a 4.0- NCIS is on

11) Write a fantastic novel- My ADD was not cured by moving off Long Island

12) Get rid of Long Island accent- Never had Long Island accent

13) Answer my phone “City Morgue, you kill ‘em, we chill ‘em”-An actual morgue still has my cell phone number

14)Meditate more often- Not allowed to have candles

15) Fall madly in love- I’m straight and I go to Queens College

16) Meet a buttload of new people- Webkinz

17) Find internal peace- It’s taco night at the papuseria.

Chuesday

Guess what everyone!? It's Guido day!!! Join in our celebration, the hour after the time that was formerly known as free hour.

OOOH!

It's just like back back in New Jersey.

:P

is it only MONDAY?

Where you aware that the last Monday of the month is Paradox Monday?

Well, I was.

-She speaks American Sign Language

-I got around the Korean market with my basic knowledge of Spanish.

-I'm a fan of Nothing on facebook.

Comment on this post with other paradoxes and help us celebrate!

Check back tomorrow for more fun!

Wednesday List III

Things I have been called in the past that I don’t necessarily care for
1) Lease
2) Lee-Lee
3) The one who thinks she’s Jewish, but isn’t
4) Churchgirl
5) Campus Ministry's bitch (and variations of this)
6) RIOULT’s bitch
7) The pizza bitch
8) My lovely little castle troll
9) Whore
10)Beatrice
11) Cheryl
12) That’s Harry Feiner’s student
13) Lisha
14) Kevin’s sister
15) Patricia Ahl
16) Agent 42
17) The girl
18) LisaMarie Mary Magdalene
19) Lee-Za-Mar-ie-ee
20) Lisa Maher to the general office
21) Parish Office Lisa Speaking
22)Birthday girl
23) Fermina/ Oh-My-God-You’re-How-Old, What-the-Feck-Phil-You-Cas

t-the-17-Year-Old-as-The-Prostitute,What’s-Wrong-With-You-You-Dirty-Old-Bastard
24) The non-alcoholic
25)Lee-lee, the latte girl

Second "It's Wednesday" Post

In continuing with the spirit of last Wednesday, and Lisa's lists, we here at Freudian Slips are happy to present:

"Profiles of train conductors I have encountered while working in Manhattan over the summer."

Male:
1) Man who looks like the product of Kenny Rogers and Santa Claus having a gay, test tube baby; whole punch is a triangle or a slice of pizza.
2) Guido who takes far too much pleasure in charging customers extra for the “bump up” on peak trains; hole punch is a Jesus fish or the wholesome snack that smiles back
3) Skinny guy who says “Thank you” far too often for it to be sincere; has a normal hole puncher or a very distinct circular hole punch.
4) Large man who eavesdrops on conversations and occasionally contributes, hates Dane Cook; hole puncher is a star of David or a starfish.
5) Conductor who takes to much pride in his daughter, the “musician”, forces passengers to listen to her bad ½ country, ½ reggae music over the PA; hole puncher is an obtuse trapezoid or the Empire State Building
6) Guy who wears too much Mets paraphanalia, always seems to linger on the Woodside platform; hole punch is a baseball bat or a phallus.
7) Guy who used to be an Abercrombie model, wears glasses to hide true identity a la Clark Kent; hole puncher is a heart or a ninja.
8) Guy who seems to sashay when he walks, very high-pitched voice; hole puncher is a rainbow or a McDonald’s sign
9) Hipster who is disappointed that his career as a poet and/or punk rock star did not go as planned; hole puncher is an anarchy symbol or an @ sign.
10) Man who blends into the walls of the train, then sneaks up on you when you do not have your ticket ready; hole puncher is camoflague or a fedora.
11) Man with one tattoo sleeve who wears puka shells, very friendly and helpful; hole punch is a smiley-face or a square****
Female:
1) Body-double for Angela from The Office, seems like she missed her career as a linebacker for the Jets in her aggressiveness; hole puncher is a kitten or a disembodied head
2) Overly talkative bleach-blond, does not quite fit through the aisles of the train in her girth; hole punch is a dollar sign or a treble cleff signature.
3) Angry midget who bashes hole puncher against chairs to wake sleeping passengers; hole punch is damaged, not sure what the symbol is supposed to be.
4) Bedazzled hat lady, has far too many accoutrements to be taken seriously; hole puncher is a half moon or a child in need of orthodontic assistance.

**** I suspect this man is posing as an MTA employee, he is too happy and helpful to really work for the Long Island Railroad.

The First "It's Wednesday" List

In an effort to generate insanity on all levels and at all times, I herein vow that there will be a ridiculous list in effect every week, and unless I forget or contract scurvy, these lists will pop up on Wednesday. Some lists will be very short, some very detailed, but I/we will try my/our best to make it/them amusing. Please feel free to add your own to the list after it's been posted.
So without further ado..........

"Facts That Would Not Attract Someone To Me On eHarmony, However True They May Be"

LM-
1) Tries to get the suggested servings of fruits, vegetables, and potassium everyday.
2) Still believes she is a planeteer.
3) Finds adult incontinence extremely funny.
4) Has her closet organized in terms of both clothing type and ROYGBIV color coding.
5) Has never been to Boston in the fall.
6) Can recite from memory the entirety of Disney's "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"
7) Knows how to say "I am the pineapple" in French and Spanish.
8) Has a four-octave voice range, but generally does not use the lower 1 1/2 because she has gotten into the habit of sounding like Minnie Mouse on helium.
9) Thinks Axe smells atrocious.
10) Knows Irish Step Dance.
11) Wishes the Muppet Show was still on television.
12) Has not worn shorts in public since the 7th grade.
13) Does not wish to become a mime in the near future, especially not one dressed like a chicken.
14) Plans to one day know ALL the words to La Bamba, instead of just the first verse and the refrain.
15) Has never performed auto-surgery, but has claimed to several times.
16) Is a beast at "Uno", "Cranium", "Red Rover", and "Kitty Wants a Corner"
17) Has never seen "Superbad", please stop asking her.
18) Might lie to NY Blood Center and claim she has not been outside the US in the past year, because donating blood makes her feel like a slightly better human being.
19) Got upset when the stamp price went from $0.42 to $0.45, not because of the increase, but because she really likes the number 42.
20) Will probably end up being a singing waitress.

August 11, 2009

Today was our first official writers' meeting. We had a wonderful, inspired day out in the sun in beautiful Central Park.

We have begun working on our first film. We look forward to sharing our ideas and mindgrapes with you.

Check back frequently for updates.

All the best,

In the meantime, our Facebook group is Freudian Slip Film Productions,

Follow us on twitter (FS_films)

Check out our website (in progress) http://sites.google.com/site/freudianslipfilms/home

Our films (once they are uploaded) will be located at http://www.youtube.com/freudianslipfilms

or for questions/comments/feedback, feel free to contact us at FreudianSlipFilms@gmail.com