It's Wednesday

Hey everyone!

Our usual "It's Wednesday" list writer has been (forcefully) given a well-deserved day off.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and we will be adding a special Thanksgiving post. In the meantime, as it is Wednesday, I'd like to present the following three lists...The first is entitled "The Opposite of the 'I'm Thankful for...' List", the second "How to Kill a Relationship", the third "Things to Make You Laugh and Survive the Holidays."

(PS feel free to add anything in the comments on this post, and it will be edited in before next week).


The opposite of the "I'm Thankful for..." list
-The G Train
-When you sneeze inwardly
-When your seat on the subway is warm
-When your pillow is too warm, but you are too tired to flip it to the other side.
-When your arms get caught as you are trying to take off your jacket
-When it decides to rain every time you wear a new/nice pair of shoes.
-When the best laid plans run awry.
-When some food produce expires that you were planning to eat that day for lunch.
-When you just miss the bus, and it pulls away slowly, mocking you.
-When a seat opens on the train, just as you reach your stop.
-When your battery dies half-way through a boring class.
-When Rachelle tickles you, and Natalia talks about pajamas in the middle of class.
-People who double-dip.
-The smell of burnt crayons follows you near the lounge.
-Global warming.
-When people are insensitive.
-War.
-Hunger.
-Cheese in a can.
-Mushrooms
-When your socks have a hole at the toe
-When your socks have a hole at the heel
-When your shoes get wet and start to smell
-When you think there is an extra/less step in the staircase.
-When you trip on uneven sidewalk and people see you stumble.
-Seafood.
-Anger
-Hatred
-Violence
-Paper cuts


How to kill a relationship:

1. Write poetry
In the words of Elizabeth Bennet:
“And that put paid to it. I wonder who first discovered the power of poetry in driving away love? …Of a fine stout love, it may [be the food of love]. But if it is only a vague inclination I'm convinced one poor sonnet will kill it stone dead.”

2. Act like Edward Cullen (and if this doesn't end the relationship, it wasn't one worth being in)

3. Wear a snuggie in public•

4. Not bathing/bad hygiene (We all love hippies, but come on, man, it's 2009!)

5. Poison/hurt pet/plant of significant other

6. Ridicule person's identity of self*

7. Physical violence*

8. Threatening significant other (for example, google Maffia and maffia related behavior)*

9. Poisoning significant other*

10. (see "Opposite of 'I am thankful for...'" list)

11. Leave girlfriend for pregnant ex-girlfriend/Get pregnant by ex-boyfriend and leave current boyfriend.

12. Twilight• (see no. 2.)

13. Be into obnoxious music

14. Act like Bella from Twilight (although I hate adding Twilight to a list more than once, I think this applies) (see no. 2, 12)

15A. Propose marriage too soon....or in a terrible way

15B. Act like Mr. Collins (from Pride and Prejudice)•.

16. Tell significant other you are actually into the other sex (ie...in a heterosexual relationship, pretend to/actually be homosexual, and in a homosexual relationship, pretend to/actually be heterosexual).

17. Tell significant other you are actually an alien•

18. Admit to being a Scientologist (only works if you and your significant others are not Scientologists).

19. Tell significant other he/she reminds you of your mother (in a Freudian kind of way)•

20. Tell significant other you are interested in his/her mother/father (in a non-platonic way)•


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* Note, will not work if person is masochistic
• May not work with everyone, some people are actually into these things...consider this carefully before taking this action...



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Things to make you laugh and survive the holidays (or any other time you need a laugh)

Brian Regan:
I can't remember names... And I always try to do the nickname thing, to get out of it. Everybody knows what you're trying to pull, you know?
"Heeeeey... buckaroo."
"My name's not buckaroo."
"Sure, sure it is... partner"
Some people get really upset if you say their name wrong, especially if they have a name that's similar to another name. Carolyn and Caroline. They got a thing about that, man. Don't get that wrong, 'cause they're gonna drill you. "Hi, Caro... lyn."
"It's Caroline. It's Caroline, Brian..."
"It's BRIOOOOHHHN. Yes, my name is BRIOOOOOOGGHHN!!! It's very hard to say my name correctly, 'cuz my name is BRANNAAGHAMMANGAAH!!! Can you say that? Very few can. Correctly."
quotes: http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/98398.Brian_Regan


Demetri Martin:
“I like parties, but I don’t like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there’s a donkey with some pizzazz. Let’s kick its ass. What I’m trying to say is, don’t make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did.”
quotes: http://captainpinhead.wordpress.com/2006/10/01/demetri-martin-quotes/

Monty Python:“Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark”
quotes: http://thinkexist.com/quotes/monty_python/

Dylan Moran: I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.
quotes: http://www.icelebz.com/quotes/dylan_moran/

also check out: Animaniacs