LAST WEDNESDAY (for the semester... technically)

Hey kids

In honor of the last week of classes, this week's list is something everyone loves-- Shakespearean dirty jokes and insults!

(If you don't get why these are funny, let me know, I'll explain with gusto :-P )

By my life, this is my lady’s hand these be her very C’s, her U’s and her T’s and thus makes she her great P’s. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.- 12th Night II, ix

Well said: that was laid on with a trowel.- As You Like It I,ii
I do desire we may be better strangers.- As You Like It III, ii
The horn, the horn, the lusty horn,
Is not a thing to laugh to scorn.- As you like It IV, ii

How bravely thou becom'st thy bed, fresh lily.- Cymbeline II, ii

I know a trick worth two of that.- Henry IV- 1, II, i
I’ll tickle your catastrophe.- Henry IV-2, II,i

Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.- Henry V, II, iv
And sheath'd their swords for lack of argument.- Henry V, III,i

The smallest worm will turn, being trodden on.- Henry VI, II,ii

So may he rest; his faults lie gently on him!- Henry VIII, IV,ii

Nothing will come of nothing: speak again.- King Lear I,i

Infirm of purpose!
Give me the daggers. The sleeping and the dead
Are but as pictures. 'Tis the eye of childhood
That fears a painted devil. - Macbeth II,i

Masters, spread yourselves.- Midsummer Night's Dream I,ii
Nay, faith, let me not play a woman; I have a beard coming- Midsummer Night's Dream I,ii
A lion among ladies, is a most dreadful thing.- Midsummer Night's Dream III,i

He is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a thousand pound ere he be cured.- Much Ado About Nothing I,i

I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer.- Much Ado About Nothing I,i
I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?- Much Ado About Nothing IV,i

Your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.- Othello I,i
Villain, be sure thou prove my love a whore,- Othello III,iii

Was ever woman in this humour woo'd?
Was ever woman in this humour won?
I'll have her; — but I will not keep her long.- Richard III, I,ii

I do bite my thumb, sir- Romeo & Juliet I,i

If love be rough with you, be rough with love;
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down- Romeo & Juliet I, iv

THE ENTIRETY OF THE TAMING OF THE SHREW, ACT II

Villian, I have done thy mother- Titus Andronicus IV,ii



AND OF COURSE

HAMLET
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?
OPHELIA
No, my lord.
HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap?
OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.
HAMLET
Do you think I meant country matters?
OPHELIA
I think nothing, my lord.
HAMLET
That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.
OPHELIA
What is, my lord?
HAMLET
Nothing.