Second "It's Wednesday" Post

In continuing with the spirit of last Wednesday, and Lisa's lists, we here at Freudian Slips are happy to present:

"Profiles of train conductors I have encountered while working in Manhattan over the summer."

Male:
1) Man who looks like the product of Kenny Rogers and Santa Claus having a gay, test tube baby; whole punch is a triangle or a slice of pizza.
2) Guido who takes far too much pleasure in charging customers extra for the “bump up” on peak trains; hole punch is a Jesus fish or the wholesome snack that smiles back
3) Skinny guy who says “Thank you” far too often for it to be sincere; has a normal hole puncher or a very distinct circular hole punch.
4) Large man who eavesdrops on conversations and occasionally contributes, hates Dane Cook; hole puncher is a star of David or a starfish.
5) Conductor who takes to much pride in his daughter, the “musician”, forces passengers to listen to her bad ½ country, ½ reggae music over the PA; hole puncher is an obtuse trapezoid or the Empire State Building
6) Guy who wears too much Mets paraphanalia, always seems to linger on the Woodside platform; hole punch is a baseball bat or a phallus.
7) Guy who used to be an Abercrombie model, wears glasses to hide true identity a la Clark Kent; hole puncher is a heart or a ninja.
8) Guy who seems to sashay when he walks, very high-pitched voice; hole puncher is a rainbow or a McDonald’s sign
9) Hipster who is disappointed that his career as a poet and/or punk rock star did not go as planned; hole puncher is an anarchy symbol or an @ sign.
10) Man who blends into the walls of the train, then sneaks up on you when you do not have your ticket ready; hole puncher is camoflague or a fedora.
11) Man with one tattoo sleeve who wears puka shells, very friendly and helpful; hole punch is a smiley-face or a square****
Female:
1) Body-double for Angela from The Office, seems like she missed her career as a linebacker for the Jets in her aggressiveness; hole puncher is a kitten or a disembodied head
2) Overly talkative bleach-blond, does not quite fit through the aisles of the train in her girth; hole punch is a dollar sign or a treble cleff signature.
3) Angry midget who bashes hole puncher against chairs to wake sleeping passengers; hole punch is damaged, not sure what the symbol is supposed to be.
4) Bedazzled hat lady, has far too many accoutrements to be taken seriously; hole puncher is a half moon or a child in need of orthodontic assistance.

**** I suspect this man is posing as an MTA employee, he is too happy and helpful to really work for the Long Island Railroad.